Coke As a Defensive Weapon (by Tai)

We were going to let Dravaena write her first blog, but she doesn't really understand the concept. She's still getting adjusted to life as a Dragon-Muse for our crazy human. I think it's a little overwhelming sometimes. We're used to it, but Dravaena isn't comfortable yet with mundane things like blogging. Maybe someday.

Dravaena did, however, want me to share a poem with you. It's a haiku she wrote herself:

Football makes no sense.
Neither do the commercials.
Dragons don't like Coke.

Of course, Dravaena is referring to one of the few Super Bowl commercials that my human actually saw. She came home and immediately looked it up on youtube so she could share it with us. In case you didn't see the Dragon Coca-Cola ad, here it is for your viewing pleasure (and confusion):




Now, I must admit, I kind of liked the ad. It was nicely done, even if it wasn't very realistic (and remember this is coming from a Dragon). Dravaena didn't like it because the mean Dragon was red (like her) and because, as she mentioned in her haiku, Dragons don't like Coke. I think the only reason she thinks this is because none of us have really ever had Coke.

And the human kind of got this weird idea that she could give all us Dragons some Coke to see what happened. I am not sure why. I think she wanted to see if fireworks would come out of OUR mouths if we drank Coke. I think she wanted to see if Coke was a good defensive weapon against a Dragon.

Well, the human didn't feel like going to the grocery, and she didn't have any Coke. All she had was diet Cheerwine (if you've never had this, my human strongly recommends you move to the Carolinas so you can always be sure to find it). Diet Cheerwine is pretty good. It tastes just a little bitty bit like cranberries, but without the...uh, side effects. Anyway, there were no fireworks--unless you count Jerry's epic fire-burps.

Pneuman suggested she should try again with REAL Coke, and Jerry said that maybe they should just drop a few Mentos in the Coke. ...but I think our human is done with her Dragon and soda experiments. If you ever experienced Jerry's epic fire-burps first hand, then you'd understand why. It seems that soda actually makes most Dragons MORE dangerous.

So now you know the truth: If your village is ever attacked by an enemy clan with a fire-breathing Dragon...Coke is probably not your best defense.

Fairies, Lightly Frosted (by Jerry)

"Mom" has started a diet. I don't know why. It sounds like a horrible idea to me. She is limiting something called her "caloric intake" to 1200 a day, and she's eating this wretched stuff that comes from a box. She calls it cereal. She pours milk on it, therefore getting her cereal wet AND getting crumbs in her milk. It looks awful to me. I'd rather have a dead cow.

Mom also likes to run in place on something called an elliptical. Actually, she calls it "Jerkface" because she hates it. I just don't understand why she keeps using it, because for one thing, she really doesn't enjoy it AT ALL, and there are other, more effective ways to beat yourself senseless. For another thing, I can think of many better uses for her time--like, I don't know...WRITING. She just scoffs and says that it won't be any good being a published author if she's going to be a FAT published author.

Humans are weird.

Anyway, today while Mom was pouring this nasty cereal stuff into her bowl, she was getting rather frustrated. I didn't understand why, at first. In fact, I was getting pretty excited because Mom kept shouting:

"Fairies! Fairies! This cereal is supposed to have fairies! Where are the fairies! AHA! There's one!"

Oh. My. Gosh. She didn't tell me that cereal had fairies! My mind suddenly filled with questions. How did the cereal people catch the fairies? How did the cereal people get the fairies to fit inside the box (fairies are not as small as most people think)? Why did the cereal people put fairies in their cereal? Were the fairies dead and frosted with a light covering of sugar, or were they put inside the box ALIVE? If the fairies were alive, could they grant Mom some wishes (like, "Dear fairy, I wish to be a published author--a thin published author, mind you.")? If the fairies were dead, would they taste anything at all like dead cow?

Now, I must have inadvertantly inspired one of my Mom's friends. Mom's friend was getting rather concerned. "What do you mean there's a FAIRY in your cereal?"

Mom laughed at both of us and said, "NO. I didn't say FAIRIES. I said BERRIES. There are supposed to be BERRIES in my cereal, but I only found one berry."

Talk about a downer. This is like the time I found out that all the magical yellow moons and purple horse shoes in "Lucky Charms" are just stupid dehydrated marshmallows.

Silly Dragon, Trix are for kids.