Fairies, Lightly Frosted (by Jerry)

"Mom" has started a diet. I don't know why. It sounds like a horrible idea to me. She is limiting something called her "caloric intake" to 1200 a day, and she's eating this wretched stuff that comes from a box. She calls it cereal. She pours milk on it, therefore getting her cereal wet AND getting crumbs in her milk. It looks awful to me. I'd rather have a dead cow.

Mom also likes to run in place on something called an elliptical. Actually, she calls it "Jerkface" because she hates it. I just don't understand why she keeps using it, because for one thing, she really doesn't enjoy it AT ALL, and there are other, more effective ways to beat yourself senseless. For another thing, I can think of many better uses for her time--like, I don't know...WRITING. She just scoffs and says that it won't be any good being a published author if she's going to be a FAT published author.

Humans are weird.

Anyway, today while Mom was pouring this nasty cereal stuff into her bowl, she was getting rather frustrated. I didn't understand why, at first. In fact, I was getting pretty excited because Mom kept shouting:

"Fairies! Fairies! This cereal is supposed to have fairies! Where are the fairies! AHA! There's one!"

Oh. My. Gosh. She didn't tell me that cereal had fairies! My mind suddenly filled with questions. How did the cereal people catch the fairies? How did the cereal people get the fairies to fit inside the box (fairies are not as small as most people think)? Why did the cereal people put fairies in their cereal? Were the fairies dead and frosted with a light covering of sugar, or were they put inside the box ALIVE? If the fairies were alive, could they grant Mom some wishes (like, "Dear fairy, I wish to be a published author--a thin published author, mind you.")? If the fairies were dead, would they taste anything at all like dead cow?

Now, I must have inadvertantly inspired one of my Mom's friends. Mom's friend was getting rather concerned. "What do you mean there's a FAIRY in your cereal?"

Mom laughed at both of us and said, "NO. I didn't say FAIRIES. I said BERRIES. There are supposed to be BERRIES in my cereal, but I only found one berry."

Talk about a downer. This is like the time I found out that all the magical yellow moons and purple horse shoes in "Lucky Charms" are just stupid dehydrated marshmallows.

Silly Dragon, Trix are for kids.