Fairies, Lightly Frosted (by Jerry)

"Mom" has started a diet. I don't know why. It sounds like a horrible idea to me. She is limiting something called her "caloric intake" to 1200 a day, and she's eating this wretched stuff that comes from a box. She calls it cereal. She pours milk on it, therefore getting her cereal wet AND getting crumbs in her milk. It looks awful to me. I'd rather have a dead cow.

Mom also likes to run in place on something called an elliptical. Actually, she calls it "Jerkface" because she hates it. I just don't understand why she keeps using it, because for one thing, she really doesn't enjoy it AT ALL, and there are other, more effective ways to beat yourself senseless. For another thing, I can think of many better uses for her time--like, I don't know...WRITING. She just scoffs and says that it won't be any good being a published author if she's going to be a FAT published author.

Humans are weird.

Anyway, today while Mom was pouring this nasty cereal stuff into her bowl, she was getting rather frustrated. I didn't understand why, at first. In fact, I was getting pretty excited because Mom kept shouting:

"Fairies! Fairies! This cereal is supposed to have fairies! Where are the fairies! AHA! There's one!"

Oh. My. Gosh. She didn't tell me that cereal had fairies! My mind suddenly filled with questions. How did the cereal people catch the fairies? How did the cereal people get the fairies to fit inside the box (fairies are not as small as most people think)? Why did the cereal people put fairies in their cereal? Were the fairies dead and frosted with a light covering of sugar, or were they put inside the box ALIVE? If the fairies were alive, could they grant Mom some wishes (like, "Dear fairy, I wish to be a published author--a thin published author, mind you.")? If the fairies were dead, would they taste anything at all like dead cow?

Now, I must have inadvertantly inspired one of my Mom's friends. Mom's friend was getting rather concerned. "What do you mean there's a FAIRY in your cereal?"

Mom laughed at both of us and said, "NO. I didn't say FAIRIES. I said BERRIES. There are supposed to be BERRIES in my cereal, but I only found one berry."

Talk about a downer. This is like the time I found out that all the magical yellow moons and purple horse shoes in "Lucky Charms" are just stupid dehydrated marshmallows.

Silly Dragon, Trix are for kids.

Ice Dragons, the Naughty Corner, and Cabin Fever (by Tai)

Most Dragons hate ice. Usually, the only exceptions are Ice Dragons, and they're weird anyway. I mean, I like almost everyone, but Ice Dragons have issues. They prefer the cold. They breathe ice instead of fire. They don't get along anyone. They even get into arguments amongst themselves. When the arguments become physical altercations, then there's always trouble.

Sometimes Jerry goes too far and calls Bion an Ice Dragon, and then he has to go sit in the Naughty Corner. My human invented the Naughty Corner right after she got back from her Christmas travels. Bion went with her, and so Jerry didn't have him to pick on for a whole week. His shenanigans increased upon Bion's return. So the human put him in the Naughty Corner. Jerry sat there and made up songs about pudding. I don't think he got the point, but at least it kept him from tormenting poor Bion.

Anyway, the weather where my human lives is particularly cold and icy at the moment. My human has said that it's not usually this snowy or icy during the winter here. I've explained to her that it's because the Ice Dragons are fighting each other. Now most Ice Dragons keep permanent residence in the parts of the world where it's always cold. The problem is, there are too many Ice Dragons for this to be practical. They fight for territory and someone always loses. Therefore, many of the Ice Dragons who have lost their homes have become nomadic, journeying from place to place--wherever it is cold enough for them to comfortably live. Most of the time, they travel to a wintry place and keep to themselves until spring. But if an Ice Dragon meets another Ice Dragon in that wintry place, there is likely to be an argument. This winter, there are a lot of Ice Dragons trying to off each other with their icy blasts. Of course, Ice Dragons are impervious to other Ice Dragon's icy blasts, so all they really accomplish is making everything else icy and snowy. So if you're stuck inside due to the ice storms, blame the Ice Dragons.

My human actually had to venture out into the cold to go to work. If it weren't so cold, I think I would have begged her to take me with her. But it's cold, and I don't really want to risk meeting an Ice Dragon out there. So I was stuck here, making sure Jerry didn't bother Bion too much.

Pneuman seems lost in his own thoughts these days. He's sulking a little, but I really don't blame him. My human has not been responding to his inspiration these days. She's kind of had a "brain cloud" the past few weeks. She hasn't written much, and even getting her to write what little she has written has just been ridiculous. Work has kept her busy, but it's more than just that. She's just got a "brain cloud."

And so since all of us Dragons are stuck inside without any writing to inspire, we're actually pretty bored. I don't blame Jerry for getting sent to the Naughty Corner so much. He's bored! So what do Dragons do when they have cabin fever? Well, they watch "Joe Vs. the Volcano" and learn about "brain clouds." They play hide and seek, which almost always ends with Jerry hiding under our human's pillow and screaming "OH, TOOTH FAIRY! I'M A LITTLE LOST TOOTH! COME TRADE ME OUT FOR A QUARTER!" They play Clue. I like to be Professor Plum. Pneuman (when he will play with us) likes to be Mr. Green. Jerry is always Colonel Mustard, because he likes to pronounce Colonel "Col-on-el." Bion always gets stuck being Miss Scarlet.

In other words, spring can't come soon enough. Blasted Ice Dragons, go sit in the Naughty Corner.

Traveling (by Bion)

My human decided that we were not spending enough time together, and so I accompanied her on her annual Christmas pilgrimage to her place of origin. She journeyed home to the far off lands of Kentucky (where she was born) and Indiana (where her sister's family now resides). The other Dragons remained here to keep my human's roommate company. Jerry wanted to come, but, luckily, my human appeased him with the offering of a new hat and scarf set. I'm glad Jerry likes his new scarf and hat, and I'm even more pleased that he didn't come with us. I don't hate Jerry, but the idea of spending ten hours in a car with him is about as appealing as editing a third grader's book report.

Jerry, looking Christmasy as he posed under the mistletoe in

his new hat and scarf. Do the ladies like hats and scarves?

The journey started off just fine. She told me that I was on vacation and wasn't allowed to edit anything, including her driving skills. I agreed, although honestly, I haven't done any real editing in months. She also told me I was going to have to ride in her purse, which didn't fill my dragonish heart with feelings of peace and comfort, I can tell you. As Jerry has expressed in a previous blog, a woman's purse is one of the most terrifying things in the known universe. I'm pretty sure that in the deepest darkest corner of every woman's purse is a portal to another dimension. Once inside a purse, there may be no return. However, my human assured me that I would be riding on the OUTSIDE pocket of her purse. I thought that to be a reasonable place to ride, and so I relaxed and enjoyed the sounds of her traveling music. My human enjoys a wide variety of traveling music. Her current favorite is Mitch McVicker, but we also enjoyed some Christmas music and some Beatles. By the way, most Dragons agree that the Beatles are the best human musical group of all time.

I also discovered on this journey that trail mix is awesome. My human let me have some. She neglected to tell me that the trail mix had cranberries in it until I'd already had several mouthfuls.

This stuff tastes AWESOME and makes me see magical ponies.

Cranberries, as you may have read in a previous post, are also known as "Dragon Nip." I'm afraid I behaved in a very undignified manner and may or may not have participated in some wild karaoke (PAAAAAAPERBACK WRIIIIIITER!!!!) somewhere along the Blue Ridge Mountains of NC. After the nip wore off, I fell asleep alongside my human's dollar store sunglasses.

Ack! My mouth was hanging open while I was asleep. How embarrasing!

Before the whole "Dragon Nip" incident, my human and I experienced the most beautiful rainbow either of us has ever seen. The colors were vibrant, yet muted, as though shrouded by some secret mist. The rainbow made a perfect arc out of the clouds, across the sky, and settled in between two hills. The sun was glinting off those hills like pure gold, and I admit that I would not have refused if my human had decided to abandon our journey to her homelands in order to seek the gold beyond that rainbow.

My human did NOT pull off the road to take a picture of the rainbow, and she says that will probably be one of the greatest regrets of her life. I assured her that beauty so pure should not be photographed, and should remain etched only in our memories. I'm glad I was able to share that rainbow with her, though. I believe both of us will be searching for that rainbow for the rest of our lives, and beyond. I'm also quite certain that the rainbow will become a theme for at least one of my writer's stories.

Nothing of great note happened in KY. My human was tired, as was I, so we slept. Then we departed the next day for IN. Once we reached the dwelling of my human's sister's family, I didn't see my human for about 3 days because she was spending all of her time with her nieces and nephew. I admit, they're pretty cute. I did get to spend some time with all of them. I also met my human's sister's cat. I have to say, cats are not my favorite.

Kitty kisses are worse than Jerry hugs. Blech.

My human had given her sister's offspring a castle set that came with a Dragon and a knight. I spent a few minutes conversing with the Dragon, and I discovered that his name was Paulie. After that, one of my human's nieces grabbed me and started banging Paulie over the head with me. My human rescued both of us and put me back in her purse.

Serves him right for being named "Paulie."

Unfortunately, when we returned to NC, she forgot I was in her purse for a few days before putting me back with my brothers. I have to admit, I was actually happy to see Jerry. I gave him a New Year's hug. He's not getting another until 2012.