Jerry's Roadtrip Recap

Okay, okay, okay, so Mom and Dravaena and Tai and I...  HA!  Tai and I.  That totally rhymed.  I could write a poem.  Only I think Dravaena would kill me dead if I tried.  But all of us went on this road trip last weekend to see Mom's family.  I was stoked.  Literally.  I kept setting stuff on fire because I couldn't contain my excitement.  Mom was pretty annoyed with me, but she still let me come with her!

I was all ready the day of the trip.  Mom had us all loaded into the car, but she had to work before we could start the trip. 

There's Dravaena and Tai, tucked securely in Mom's purse alongside her handsanitizer and lotion.  Oh, I wish I were small enough to fit in Mom's purse...  I'm always on the outside looking in.

While Mom was at work, Dravaena gave me a talonful of little white pills.  She told me they were magic candy beans, and if I ate them, a magical candy beanstalk would grow inside my tummy and shoot out my nose.  That sounded like the coolest thing ever, so I scarfed them down.  A few minutes later, I got really sleepy...

...and the next thing I knew, Mom had gotten off work, had driven ten hours, and we were at Mom's parents' house.  I'd call her parents my grandparents, but she won't let me take it that far.  Of course, I was angry with Dravaena, but I can't stay mad at her too long.  I mean, she still scares me a little.  I was disappointed to have missed out on the whole trip up (not to mention that those magical candy pills did NOT make anything grow out of my nose), but I felt a lot better about it after I had learned that Mom and Dravaena had some kind of girly bonding time while driving through the mountains.  I'm so glad I was asleep for all of that.  Tai said it wasn't that bad, but..emotional girly crap...eww.  Yeah, if you're at all interested in reading about that, you can find it here.  Yeah...have fun with that.

Mom and Dravaena shared a girly bonding moment over this beautiful mountain sunset.  Gross.

I did get a little revenge on Dravaena--without even trying.  On the ride up, she eventually fell asleep next to me, and Mom snapped this pic of her snuggled up under my wing.  Dravaena says she did it on purpose because my wings are "soft as a Dragonling's buttocks," but I don't believe it was intentional. 

My name is Jerund M Frazier, and I sleep with my eyes open.

Okay, okay okay, so being with Mom's family was boring.  Mom ignored us, as usual.  The only fun time came when Mom's nephew (I'm not allowed to call him my cousin) discovered us.  For about 2 minutes, Mom's nieces and nephew pulled my tongue, beat me against the furniture, and just generally abused me.

It was wonderful.

But Mom can never stay away from work too long, so just a couple days later, we were back in the car again.  This time, I wouldn't let Dravaena trick me into taking any magical candy sleeping beanstalk pills.  Dravaena and I were placed in a sturdy paper bag, propped up so we could see the mountains.

Look!  We're Christmas colors!

Whatever.  I ended up taking a nap anyway because I didn't think I could tolerate both Mom and Dravaena gushing over the mountains. 

Okay, even I have to admit, they were pretty.

Dravaena believes the mountains are really sleeping Dragons, and that the clouds over them is smoke.  She thinks that's why they're called the Smoky Mountains.  I guess she's got a point...

There were a couple of major times of excitement on this return trip.  We drove past this place that sold DRAGONS.  Well, I thought it sold Dragons, since there was this big cool-looking Dragon outside of it, but Mom said it sold fireworks.  Mom managed to carefully snap a picture while driving past (she said she wasn't about to stop the car at a place that sold fireworks with three Dragons in the car.  I still don't know why.). 



Okay, okay, okay, so it's hard to see.  But there really IS a Dragon there.  I thought you could buy one Dragon and get TWO free (quite a bargain, if you ask me).  When Mom told me they were really selling fireworks, I thought that was still a pretty good bargain.  She told me that even if they were selling Dragons, she had ENOUGH Dragons and wouldn't want THREE for the price of one.  I don't know what she meant.  How can anyone have enough Dragons?

 The other exciting thing was that Mom stopped to meet a friend along the way.  I wanted to meet her friend, but she said her friend had a small child with her and she wasn't sure how the small child would react to me.  I didn't get it, because kids usually LOVE me.  While she was meeting with her friend, Tai had to explain to me that what Mom really meant is that she didn't know how I would react to the small child.  What's that supposed to mean?  Do I go crazy around small children or something?

Oh. 

Anyway, the place where Mom met her friend was a fast food restaurant.  Mom doesn't eat a lot of fast food, since she's on a diet.  But Mom decided to go on something called a "splurge," which is apparently the greatest thing ever, since it involves FRENCH FRIES.

I found out that I really like french fries.  I like them better than roasted peasant.

OH NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM!

So that was the trip.  I guess I was glad to come home and see Bion and Pneuman again.  One of these days I hope Mom becomes a published author who goes on book signing tours and stuff, because then we might have some REAL adventures. 

And I hope they involve french fries.  And real magical candy beanstalks.