Jerry's Roadtrip Recap

Okay, okay, okay, so Mom and Dravaena and Tai and I...  HA!  Tai and I.  That totally rhymed.  I could write a poem.  Only I think Dravaena would kill me dead if I tried.  But all of us went on this road trip last weekend to see Mom's family.  I was stoked.  Literally.  I kept setting stuff on fire because I couldn't contain my excitement.  Mom was pretty annoyed with me, but she still let me come with her!

I was all ready the day of the trip.  Mom had us all loaded into the car, but she had to work before we could start the trip. 

There's Dravaena and Tai, tucked securely in Mom's purse alongside her handsanitizer and lotion.  Oh, I wish I were small enough to fit in Mom's purse...  I'm always on the outside looking in.

While Mom was at work, Dravaena gave me a talonful of little white pills.  She told me they were magic candy beans, and if I ate them, a magical candy beanstalk would grow inside my tummy and shoot out my nose.  That sounded like the coolest thing ever, so I scarfed them down.  A few minutes later, I got really sleepy...

...and the next thing I knew, Mom had gotten off work, had driven ten hours, and we were at Mom's parents' house.  I'd call her parents my grandparents, but she won't let me take it that far.  Of course, I was angry with Dravaena, but I can't stay mad at her too long.  I mean, she still scares me a little.  I was disappointed to have missed out on the whole trip up (not to mention that those magical candy pills did NOT make anything grow out of my nose), but I felt a lot better about it after I had learned that Mom and Dravaena had some kind of girly bonding time while driving through the mountains.  I'm so glad I was asleep for all of that.  Tai said it wasn't that bad, but..emotional girly crap...eww.  Yeah, if you're at all interested in reading about that, you can find it here.  Yeah...have fun with that.

Mom and Dravaena shared a girly bonding moment over this beautiful mountain sunset.  Gross.

I did get a little revenge on Dravaena--without even trying.  On the ride up, she eventually fell asleep next to me, and Mom snapped this pic of her snuggled up under my wing.  Dravaena says she did it on purpose because my wings are "soft as a Dragonling's buttocks," but I don't believe it was intentional. 

My name is Jerund M Frazier, and I sleep with my eyes open.

Okay, okay okay, so being with Mom's family was boring.  Mom ignored us, as usual.  The only fun time came when Mom's nephew (I'm not allowed to call him my cousin) discovered us.  For about 2 minutes, Mom's nieces and nephew pulled my tongue, beat me against the furniture, and just generally abused me.

It was wonderful.

But Mom can never stay away from work too long, so just a couple days later, we were back in the car again.  This time, I wouldn't let Dravaena trick me into taking any magical candy sleeping beanstalk pills.  Dravaena and I were placed in a sturdy paper bag, propped up so we could see the mountains.

Look!  We're Christmas colors!

Whatever.  I ended up taking a nap anyway because I didn't think I could tolerate both Mom and Dravaena gushing over the mountains. 

Okay, even I have to admit, they were pretty.

Dravaena believes the mountains are really sleeping Dragons, and that the clouds over them is smoke.  She thinks that's why they're called the Smoky Mountains.  I guess she's got a point...

There were a couple of major times of excitement on this return trip.  We drove past this place that sold DRAGONS.  Well, I thought it sold Dragons, since there was this big cool-looking Dragon outside of it, but Mom said it sold fireworks.  Mom managed to carefully snap a picture while driving past (she said she wasn't about to stop the car at a place that sold fireworks with three Dragons in the car.  I still don't know why.). 



Okay, okay, okay, so it's hard to see.  But there really IS a Dragon there.  I thought you could buy one Dragon and get TWO free (quite a bargain, if you ask me).  When Mom told me they were really selling fireworks, I thought that was still a pretty good bargain.  She told me that even if they were selling Dragons, she had ENOUGH Dragons and wouldn't want THREE for the price of one.  I don't know what she meant.  How can anyone have enough Dragons?

 The other exciting thing was that Mom stopped to meet a friend along the way.  I wanted to meet her friend, but she said her friend had a small child with her and she wasn't sure how the small child would react to me.  I didn't get it, because kids usually LOVE me.  While she was meeting with her friend, Tai had to explain to me that what Mom really meant is that she didn't know how I would react to the small child.  What's that supposed to mean?  Do I go crazy around small children or something?

Oh. 

Anyway, the place where Mom met her friend was a fast food restaurant.  Mom doesn't eat a lot of fast food, since she's on a diet.  But Mom decided to go on something called a "splurge," which is apparently the greatest thing ever, since it involves FRENCH FRIES.

I found out that I really like french fries.  I like them better than roasted peasant.

OH NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM!

So that was the trip.  I guess I was glad to come home and see Bion and Pneuman again.  One of these days I hope Mom becomes a published author who goes on book signing tours and stuff, because then we might have some REAL adventures. 

And I hope they involve french fries.  And real magical candy beanstalks.

Air Trip Reenactment (by Pneuman)

Please accept my humblest apologies for the extended blogging absence. You see, I and the other Dragons have been out of town. The trip was very last minute; we didn't have time to inform anyone of our departure. In fact, we didn't even tell our human. Jerry found it hilarious that she actually thought we were hibernating. Dragons don't hibernate...unless they feel like it, of course.

It's actually our human's fault that we went away. She wasn't doing much writing, and we were all getting rather bored. So one night Tai suggested we just go on a road trip. And then Jerry said that we would have to go steal a car, and he hoped it was one with a sun roof so he could stand up and hang out of it. Then Dravaena reminded us that we're Dragons and can fly. Then Bion suggested we call it an "Air Trip" instead of a road trip. And I said that it was a good idea no matter what we called it.

Then Tai said that we would probably not be able to get our human's permission, and Dravaena reminded us that we didn't really need her permission. But to make it easier, we decided not to tell her. She wasn't writing much; she probably wouldn't miss us anyway.

But just in case, we made little plastic/resin/polyester replicas of ourselves and left them in the cave with recordings of our voices. Dravaena's recording said, "Shush, now. You write lousy poetry." Mine said, "Just sit down and write something already." Bion's said, "You use too many semicolons." Tai's said, "Just have zombies eat everyone. That usually works." Jerry's said, "Yes, but only on Thursday."

No one is really sure what that means.

So we went on our Air Trip to many exciting locations around the world. It was amazing. We did want to be back in time for our human's birthday, but when we arrived home, she wasn't here. Turns out she was WORKING all day long on her birthday. And the day after that. We flew all the way back here to celebrate with her, and she wasn't even home. That made us Dragons pretty angry (our human works WAY too much).

And then our human got angry when she learned that we'd went on an Air Trip without telling her and without taking her with us. Hmph. It's not like she would take off work to come with us anyway...

So things have been tense here for a few weeks. Our human revoked all of our blogging/internet privileges. I have to say that I admire my human for that. It takes guts to ground a Dragon.

Anyway, she finally forgave us all tonight. She even got out her camera and offered to take some reenactment pictures of our many adventures. See, Dragons don't really care about taking pictures, and none of us have cameras. So the reenactment photos are really the best we can do.

Enjoy the photos of our Air Trip, but remember...these are only dramatizations.

First off, we went to a petting zoo. We didn't allow Jerry to come (for obvious reasons).

Bion and I questioned the chameleon. We wanted to know if his ancestors were Dragons.

I think a color-changing Dragon would be groovy.

"Nice fez, oddly shaped purple monkey," says Tai.

Dravaena kept asking the sheep if they were tender and juicy. Incidentally, we were all kicked out of the petting zoo shortly after some of the sheep went missing.

Dravaena neither confirms nor denies involvement.

Jerry was disappointed in missing out on the petting zoo, but we appeased him by

allowing him to hug the rubber chicken. I think it's his new BFF.

Next, we headed to Scotland (which really ticked my human off--she wants to go there, to the land of her ancestors--the ancestors that killed a lot of people and stole land). We all really wanted to meet Nessie. AND WE DID! He was thrilled to meet some other mythological creatures!

Nessie wouldn't have posed for a pic with us like this (this is only a dramatization). He's a nice guy, but he's really shy. And he HATES having his picture made. I don't blame him. The camera adds ten pounds, and he's already a pretty big fella. So if you're ever at Loch Ness and you catch a glimpse of Nessie, don't take the dude's picture, okay? It hurts his feelings and brings back sad memories of when his mom made him go to fat camp.

Bion is fairly sure that Nessie is a type of Dragon. He might have a point.

He and Nessie have a very similar body shape...without any arms or legs...

We stayed in that part of the country and toured England. Had we cared enough to bring a camera, we would have gotten all the traditional English pictures--red phone booths, Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Hogwarts. As it is, this is the only reenactment my human thought post-worthy. She was very sad that she didn't get to cross Abbey Road with Tai.

Tai actually crossed the actual Abbey Road with the actual Beatles

...even the ones that were already dead.

Then it was back to the good ol' USA, where all of us Dragons decided to do some outdoor recreation. You know...getting back to nature.

Jerry had WAY too much fun on the zipline.

Well, since we had been so many other places, we finally decided it would be fun to end our Air Trip at Disney World. Bion thought it might be hard for us to get in, but I threatened to eat the lady in the ticket booth. I used the same tactic to get us to the front of all the ride lines. It was pretty sweet. I'm not big on rides, but I couldn't resist the opportunity to ride SPACE MOUNTAIN!

That may or may not be a butter dish I'm riding in.

It's a small world after all. That's song's in your head now. You're welcome. And remember, this is only a dramatization. I know how real the pics seem.

Tai and Bion loved Splash Mountain.

Jerry even got to meet Belle, his favorite Disney Princess, and her special friend, The Beast.

Um...then Jerry got a little too friendly...and things got a little out of control.

Man, that Beast totally went all "tale as old as time" on Jerry's butt.

Jerry will think twice before eating a Disney Princess again.

One really amazing thing about this Air Trip was that Jerry and Dravaena finally became friends. He's not scared of her anymore (at least, not much--we're all still a little afraid of her). They're great friends, Jerry and Dravaena. She appreciates his sense of humor. He appreciates her lyrical wit...and the fact that she can burp her ABC's backwards. But don't get any ideas. Dravaena has become like a sister to all of us. Besides, she's got a HUGE crush on Figment, this Dragon who lives at Epcot. After she started stalking him, we decided it was time to come home.

But not before she and Jerry, now friends, rode the Teacups together...

Aww.

It was a great trip, but it's good to be back. Vacations are awesome, but we have Musing to do!

To the Dragon Cave!