My Lazy Human (by Pneuman)

I am disgusted.

My human has finally gotten her act together to start writing again, but she's still not committing herself to the craft.  I can somewhat understand that she has to work to make a living.  Not all of us can live in caves and roast peasants.  I keep reminding her that she'll have more income if she actually SELLS HER WRITING, but that doesn't seem to make a difference in her work habits.  Still, I can understand why she feels compelled to work three jobs if that's what it takes to keep her from starving.  I guess...

But now my human has become obsessed with an activity known as "running."  Dragons aren't really big on running.  Our legs are better suited for leaping into the air or ripping the intestines out of a live cow.  Even if our legs were built for running, I'm sure flying would be much faster. 

My human has one of those car things that transports her to and from various activities (that aren't writing), so the running isn't even a means of getting her from one place to another.  In fact, she runs up and down the same stretch of sidewalk four or five times.  It's the most boring thing I've ever heard of.  She does it because she says it's good exercise, and I GUESS I'll give her that.  I have just seen her get a far more efficient calorie-burning workout from Jerkface, her pet elliptical machine.

Jerkface hasn't gotten much use lately because she's been running.  Up and down the sidewalk.  Over and over.

Sigh.

Well, today my human went to work for a few hours.  Then she came home and ran a little over five miles.  The running took more than an hour of our writing time.  Then she came home and took her own sweet time showering before FINALLY sitting down to write.  She wrote a few paragraphs and had the nerve to get up before I told her she could finish. 

"Where do you think you're going?" I asked her.

"I'm going to go make dinner.  I'm hungry," she replied.

"Not until you write some more."

"I'll write more later," she said.

"PSSH!" I said.  "I've heard THAT one before.  Look, I'm a Dragon-Muse.  I Muse.  That's what I do.  I can't Muse if I don't have a writer to Muse for."

"Chillax, Pneuman," she said.

 "Is 'chillax' even a word?"

"It's a wombo," she said.  "A word combination.  They're the latest trend in the English language."

"KILL THEM!  KILL THEM WITH FIRE!"

"Don't be so dramatic.  People have been defiling the English language for centuries."

"You're telling me.  I've actually witnessed it.  That doesn't mean I'm going to accept such atrocities from you!"

"What I write in my novels is your business," she sighed.  "What I say in real life is mine."

"Look, Fair Ruth, you know I think you are an amazing writer, and you know I would maim anyone who says differently, but I am getting sick of you neglecting us.  I didn't want to mention this, but there's this lame garage band down the street that could use some Musing."

"Yeah, right," she said.  "You'll never leave.  Where else are you going to find a human who will type up your blog posts, even when they're calling her lazy?"

She had a point.  "Look, just sit down and write another page...it won't take long."

"I just ran five miles," she had the nerve to tell me.  "That's kind of my 'get out of writing free card.'"

"You can rest and write at the SAME TIME!" I shouted.

She shook her head and left the room.  Well, an hour later, I flew in to see what she was doing.  My human was sitting on the couch, eating a bowl of peanut butter and honey (she's recently become quite addicted to this revolting dish), and watching Jeopardy!  She's not even smart enough to WATCH that show.  Plus, she could have spent that time working on her book, or editing another book, or trying to sell another book.

Do you see what I have to work with?

...I really won't leave her, though.  That garage band sounds like a torture chamber.  ...and I prefer to be the one doing the torturing.

Dragon Hibernation? (by the Human)

Okay, so this is the human writing. I'm writing because the Dragons have been extremely quiet lately. I've tried to carry on a conversation or two with Dravaena, just to see how she's adjusting. She just shushed me and told me I was a horrible poet.

I can't even get Jerry to talk to me. At first, I thought it was because he was still angry about me getting a new Dragon. He's still afraid of Dravaena. But even if he were angry, he'd probably be able to muster up a good hilarious insult.

Bion and Tai are quiet. Pneuman is quiet. He hasn't even updated his facebook status or twitter in weeks. I've come to realize that Dragons must hibernate or something.

As a writer who has written three books about Dragons, I like to consider myself a Dragon expert. I mean, if you write a book about something, that automatically makes you a top authority on the subject, right? So I figure that I know as much about Dragons as anyone. The thing is, Dragons are still pretty mysterious creatures. Even though they live in the same "cave" with me, there's still so much I don't know about them.

For the past couple of months, my writing has hit a little bit of a dry spell. I'm still writing...a little, but things just aren't coming as quickly as they should be. I've come to the conclusion that my Dragon-Muses have gradually entered a state of Dragon Hibernation. It started back in December and has gradually gotten worse over the past few months. Before they were doing very little, but now they're doing almost nothing at all. They're still Musing, of course. I'm still writing. It's just at a much slower rate, because they're in some kind of suspended animation.

I'm hoping that the arrival of spring starts to wake them up. I'm really in need of their inspiration. Dravaena was right--I'm a horrible poet.

The Importance of the Physical

Right now, my writer is taking a break. I'm a very bored Dragon Muse. While she's not writing, I'm not truly musing. I'm still Dragoning. I can't very well stop Dragoning.

My writer is reading some C. S. Lewis right now, and she was kind enough to let me sit on her tummy while reading. It was a pleasant time for both of us, even if I wasn't busy inspiring her. While I've been with my writer for some time, my physical presence has only been with her for a few days. I've realized how important the physical actually is.

While Dragons don't feel this as deeply as humans, I think that both of our kind has a strong desire for something they can feel and touch. While it is not necessary for humankind or Dragonkind to have something we can feel and touch, it is very much wanted.

In the time I have known my writer, I realize she draws great comfort and connection from calling her family on the telephone. She lives far away from them. It would take her ten hours in a car, a few hours in an airplane, or a good half hour on a Dragon flight to see them. Since it is not practical for her to fly with me (what would the neighbors think?), she is not able to visit her family as often as she would like. The phone call is comforting, but it is not what she wants. She wants to be able to physically be with her family. She wants her mother's embrace. She wants to be able to tickle her nieces and nephew. She wants to arm wrestle her brother. While she is with her family, she savors their physical presence. That's how people, and Dragons, were made.

So while I have mentally and emotionally been my writer's muse for several years, my physical Dragon form has not been with her. I've found that our connection has deepened in the past few days since I have been physically present with her. There is something soothing about being with her, and not just a voice inside her head.

But on a side note, I hope she finishes this writing break soon. I want to get back to musing and not just Dragoning.