Valentine's Day Makes Peasants Taste Sweeter (by Pneuman)

It's Valentine's Day soon. A silly human ritual. I do think it's interesting that Dravaena's arrival came near this human holiday about love and relationships.

Since Dravaena's arrival, many of my human's friends have asked her some very awkward questions. Some of them are just your basic, "So are all the boy Dragons gonna fight over the girl Dragon, or what?" The answer is, of course, no. I can personally tell you that I am not at all romantically interested in Dravaena. She is striking, and her neck has an elegant sort of arch. Yes, Dravaena is beatiful (her pictures don't really do her justice...you have to really look at HER), but she is NOT as beautiful as I am. I refuse to be paired with any Dragoness who is not at least as beautiful as I am. I realize this stipulation will probably cause me to remain an old bachelor Dragon, but I suppose that is the price for being beautiful.

Jerry is still afraid of Dravaena. Bion seems to think of her as a good friend. Tai treats her like a lady, but he is very clear about his intentions. He thinks of her as a sister. We all (except the terried Jerry) think of her as a sister.

And even if we were interested, Dravaena is NOT. The first words out of her mouth after we greeted her were, "Don't any of you get any ideas, because I am NOT that type of Dragoness, and none of you are good enough for me. If you even look at me the wrong way, I'll make you regret it for the rest of your lives." Of course, I was able to read through what she was saying. She was NOT including me when she asid that we weren't good enough for her. How could she think that? No, no. She was saying that the others weren't good enough for her, but it would have made them feel badly if she hadn't included me.

So none of us are interested in Dravaena. However, my human got one follow up question she wasn't expecting. It was an awkward question. It was a personal question. It wasn't a personal question to her, but it was to us Dragons. In fact, it's such a personal question that my human didn't know how to answer it. She doesn't know the answer. It's because Dragons don't discuss it with puny humans.

The question: "Do Dragon-Muses...you know...?"

If you don't know what "you know" refers to, then you can stop reading right now. Otherwise, you might long for the sweet release of about a gallon of mind-bleach.

"Do Dragon-Muses...mate?" There. I said it. This is a squeamish topic for me because Dragons are more secretive about their mating rituals than Vulcans are about pon farr. You can imagine my frustration when my human started asking me...questions.

But you know, enough is enough. I think it's time my human--all the humans--the WHOLE WORLD learned about Dragon mating rituals. The following is not for the feint of heart.

When a boy Dragon decides he loves a girl Dragon very much, they take flight to the homelands from which they were spawned. Then the boy Dragon flies up high to the top of Mount Nightingale, where he picks the first blue ice flower that blooms in winter. He must fly this flower back to his girl Dragon before it can melt.

Then she must accept the flower and tramp it with her feet. Then the boy Dragon must join in what is known as the "My Goodness but that Ice Flower was COLD" dance. They must dance for 48 hours straight without a rest.

Then the girl Dragon must sing the "Song of the Ancient Winged Beasts" until she has lulled the boy Dragon into a trance. When the boy Dragon is in the trance, he must recite to her all 386 stanzas of the legend of "Gimrak the Mighty" to her. When she has also been lured into a trance, the boy Dragon and girl Dragon must walk--yes walk, on foot--to the Pool of Bonding. Then the girl Dragon will push the boy Dragon into the pool and he will splash four times. Then the girl Dragon must cross the Bridge of Love that spans over the Pool of Bonding.

And if you believe any of this, then I'll gladly sell you the Bridge of Love right now.

Pssh. Did you really think I was going to tell you the Dragon-Muses most treasured secrets? Not likely, human.

No go and eat some chocolate. It makes you taste better.

Near Death Experiences are FUN! (By Jerund M Frazier)

Okay, so Bion doesn't think it's fair that I get to post AGAIN, but "Mom" gave me permission because I was such a good Dragon-Muse today. She offered Pneuman the option of posting since he was a good Dragon-Muse, too. He passed. His day was slightly more traumatic than mine.

Pneuman and I went with Mom to her place of work. It's a strange place with short humans who make a lot of strange noises, run around randomly, and just generally smell funny. I liked it immediately. Pneuman burrowed down into his bubblewrap lined sack muttering about how "Fair Ruth" AKA "Mom" STILL hadn't gotten him a foam-lined titanium traveling case. I stuck my nose out of the duffel bag she carried me in and tried to capture the attention of one of the short humans.

But Mom wouldn't let me out yet. She insisted on gathering the short humans around to go on an imaginary Dragon quest. It was a little annoying, if you ask me, but the kids got all excited when the imaginary Dragon started chasing them. And then...THEN she told the short humans to come meet me. She opened the bag, reached her hand in, and pretended I was eating her arm off. The short humans laughed, and so did I. Then...then....THEN she pulled me out of the bag.

Something wonderful and terrifying and fantabulous happened then. All 25 or so of the short humans MOBBED Mom and me. Mom started screaming, "You can pet Jerry once and then sit back down!" while I laughed and laughed and laughed and let all the short humans put their little fingers all over me. It was the scariest and most wonderful thing to have ever happened to me.

At snack time, Mom took Pneuman out to show the short humans. One of them almost broke him, which was pretty much hilarious. Pneuman got back in his bag and muttered to himself until Mom took us home.

Okay, so Pneuman let a FEW of the short humans pet him. And he purred. But don't tell him I told you that.

I hope Mom takes me to work again. I LIKE SHORT HUMANS!