It's Over!

The human here. 

I really did want to revive this blog.  I really did want for my Dragons to have a place to share their thoughts and views.  Lately, though, they've been angry with me for not writing enough, and also, I just don't have time to sit down and take dictation for blogs written by supposedly mythical creatures. 

I'm not deleting this blog.  Everything that has been written will remain on the interwebz for people to view.  The wisdom and rants my Dragon-Muses have already shared will not disappear.  And who knows, one day they might be inspired to share again.  And they might convince me to type it up for them.

But right now I have too many other things going on, including an idea for a new "real" blog that I'm starting to dream up.  I can't have four blogs going on at the same time.  One of them needed to go.

So, for now, my Dragon-Muses are signing off.  But don't worry...they'll still be around, Musing me and stuff.

Introducing Titus (by The Human)

The newest Dragon-Muse is Titus Liam Sterling.  He's the Determination Muse, which might explain why he's so small.  But Titus means "giant," so there's hope. 

With all my other Dragon-Muses, except for maybe Jerry, I had a hard time getting them to tell me their names.  Titus told me right from the beginning.  I didn't even realize he was a Muse (I thought he was just a common necklace charm) until he told me his name was Titus.  It took just the slightest bit of coaxing to get the rest of his name from him.  Liam means "strong, determined protector" and Sterling means "valuable." 

Determination is something every writer/artist needs--and I think I need a little extra, so I'm really glad Titus has joined this Dragon-Muse family.

Until Titus, Pneuman was the smallest Muse.  Pneuman doesn't mind not being the smallest, as long as he's still the prettiest.

Jerry's Roadtrip Recap

Okay, okay, okay, so Mom and Dravaena and Tai and I...  HA!  Tai and I.  That totally rhymed.  I could write a poem.  Only I think Dravaena would kill me dead if I tried.  But all of us went on this road trip last weekend to see Mom's family.  I was stoked.  Literally.  I kept setting stuff on fire because I couldn't contain my excitement.  Mom was pretty annoyed with me, but she still let me come with her!

I was all ready the day of the trip.  Mom had us all loaded into the car, but she had to work before we could start the trip. 

There's Dravaena and Tai, tucked securely in Mom's purse alongside her handsanitizer and lotion.  Oh, I wish I were small enough to fit in Mom's purse...  I'm always on the outside looking in.

While Mom was at work, Dravaena gave me a talonful of little white pills.  She told me they were magic candy beans, and if I ate them, a magical candy beanstalk would grow inside my tummy and shoot out my nose.  That sounded like the coolest thing ever, so I scarfed them down.  A few minutes later, I got really sleepy...

...and the next thing I knew, Mom had gotten off work, had driven ten hours, and we were at Mom's parents' house.  I'd call her parents my grandparents, but she won't let me take it that far.  Of course, I was angry with Dravaena, but I can't stay mad at her too long.  I mean, she still scares me a little.  I was disappointed to have missed out on the whole trip up (not to mention that those magical candy pills did NOT make anything grow out of my nose), but I felt a lot better about it after I had learned that Mom and Dravaena had some kind of girly bonding time while driving through the mountains.  I'm so glad I was asleep for all of that.  Tai said it wasn't that bad, but..emotional girly crap...eww.  Yeah, if you're at all interested in reading about that, you can find it here.  Yeah...have fun with that.

Mom and Dravaena shared a girly bonding moment over this beautiful mountain sunset.  Gross.

I did get a little revenge on Dravaena--without even trying.  On the ride up, she eventually fell asleep next to me, and Mom snapped this pic of her snuggled up under my wing.  Dravaena says she did it on purpose because my wings are "soft as a Dragonling's buttocks," but I don't believe it was intentional. 

My name is Jerund M Frazier, and I sleep with my eyes open.

Okay, okay okay, so being with Mom's family was boring.  Mom ignored us, as usual.  The only fun time came when Mom's nephew (I'm not allowed to call him my cousin) discovered us.  For about 2 minutes, Mom's nieces and nephew pulled my tongue, beat me against the furniture, and just generally abused me.

It was wonderful.

But Mom can never stay away from work too long, so just a couple days later, we were back in the car again.  This time, I wouldn't let Dravaena trick me into taking any magical candy sleeping beanstalk pills.  Dravaena and I were placed in a sturdy paper bag, propped up so we could see the mountains.

Look!  We're Christmas colors!

Whatever.  I ended up taking a nap anyway because I didn't think I could tolerate both Mom and Dravaena gushing over the mountains. 

Okay, even I have to admit, they were pretty.

Dravaena believes the mountains are really sleeping Dragons, and that the clouds over them is smoke.  She thinks that's why they're called the Smoky Mountains.  I guess she's got a point...

There were a couple of major times of excitement on this return trip.  We drove past this place that sold DRAGONS.  Well, I thought it sold Dragons, since there was this big cool-looking Dragon outside of it, but Mom said it sold fireworks.  Mom managed to carefully snap a picture while driving past (she said she wasn't about to stop the car at a place that sold fireworks with three Dragons in the car.  I still don't know why.). 



Okay, okay, okay, so it's hard to see.  But there really IS a Dragon there.  I thought you could buy one Dragon and get TWO free (quite a bargain, if you ask me).  When Mom told me they were really selling fireworks, I thought that was still a pretty good bargain.  She told me that even if they were selling Dragons, she had ENOUGH Dragons and wouldn't want THREE for the price of one.  I don't know what she meant.  How can anyone have enough Dragons?

 The other exciting thing was that Mom stopped to meet a friend along the way.  I wanted to meet her friend, but she said her friend had a small child with her and she wasn't sure how the small child would react to me.  I didn't get it, because kids usually LOVE me.  While she was meeting with her friend, Tai had to explain to me that what Mom really meant is that she didn't know how I would react to the small child.  What's that supposed to mean?  Do I go crazy around small children or something?

Oh. 

Anyway, the place where Mom met her friend was a fast food restaurant.  Mom doesn't eat a lot of fast food, since she's on a diet.  But Mom decided to go on something called a "splurge," which is apparently the greatest thing ever, since it involves FRENCH FRIES.

I found out that I really like french fries.  I like them better than roasted peasant.

OH NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM!

So that was the trip.  I guess I was glad to come home and see Bion and Pneuman again.  One of these days I hope Mom becomes a published author who goes on book signing tours and stuff, because then we might have some REAL adventures. 

And I hope they involve french fries.  And real magical candy beanstalks.

Mountain Journeys (by Dravaena)

This is my first blog post, so let me come right out and say that no, I don't always speak/write in verse.  I am the lyrical Dragon-Muse on this team, but I'm not Dr. Seuss.  He was a genius and all, but geniuses often slip into annoying madmen, and Dr. Seuss slipped this way a little too often for my taste.  Now that we've gotten that out of the way, I can continue.

(Jerry will post his own version of this trip later.  I think it will include pictures.  This is my version, and I prefer to paint pictures with my words.)

Ruth (I refuse to call her "the human," or "Mom"...Ruth is her name) took a ten hour drive back to the land of her origin this past weekend.  For some reason, she wanted some of us Dragons to accompany her.  Apparently, this is what she does.  She's taken Pneuman on an airplane, which led to the breaking of one of his horns.  He had it reattached through a major surgical procedure.  I'm not sure why he was so whiny about it.  When my horn broke off in the midst of glorious battle, it stayed off. 

She also took Bion on a car trip.  When I first heard of this, I thought it must have been frightfully boring for poor Bion, but then, he's pretty dull most of the time anyway.  He doesn't like too much excitement.  I figured he probably slept most of the trip. 

As Dragons, we can fly.  I could travel from here to the other side of the world overnight.  There's no reason for all of this human travel, or so I thought.

But then Ruth suggested I come on this latest car trip.

At first, I was tempted to decline.  I didn't like the idea of traveling like a human.  Also, Ruth wanted to bring Jerry, and while I like him quite a bit, I wasn't sure I wanted to spend 10 hours in the car with him...and then another 10 hours back.  But Ruth and I were still in that awkward getting to know each other stage.  Neither of us really knew what to do with the other one.  She was able to see the beauty in me beyond all my battle scars and often brash personality, and I was able to see beyond her obvious lack of poetic talent, but other than that, we really didn't have any kind of connection--at least not like the one she had with the other Dragons.  I thought it was because we're both females.  And we're both the type of females that either really get along with another female, or we just don't.

So I agreed to go on this journey to see if Ruth and I could really make any kind of friendship connection, or if we were just destined only for a professional Dragon-Muse/Writer relationship. 

The first four hours of our trip were quiet.  Too quiet.  For one thing, I had drugged Jerry.  Even though Tai had agreed to go along with us to help keep the peace, it was obvious that Jerry was far too excited to be trusted to behave himself.  So I took some of the expired Dramamine that Ruth had lying in the bottom of her dresser drawer, and I gave about five pills to Jerry.  I figured that would knock him out for a while, and it did.  So for the first four hours of our trip, it was quiet...but uncomfortable.  Even though Tai kept making jokes and stealing sips of Ruth's vanilla chai tea, it was awkward.  I was bored.  Turns out, driving four hours through NC is just not all that much fun.

...that is, until you get to the mountains. 

I've seen mountains before.  I've seen the harsh, rocky, jagged mountains that look like they're guarding something.  Of course, they are guarding something, and I don't care to try to find out what it is.  I don't mind fighting, but I'm not a male--I don't go picking fights for the sake of picking fights.  So I'm just fine letting those rocky, jagged mountains guard whatever it is they want to guard.  I guess I've never really paid attention to the mountains in NC, though.  They're softer, gentler--more like secret keepers than guards.  And I think I might actually want to know their secrets.  I have a feeling that if I listen closely, they're going to tell me...but only in gentle whispers and still, small voices.

And the sun broke through the clouds just as we reached these wondrous mountains.  The silence that came during that part of the drive wasn't awkward--it was reverent.  I was shoved down in Ruth's purse, and up to that point, I didn't mind it.  But now I wanted to see.  I uttered the only words I dared, asking Ruth to hold me up so I could experience the view she could see from her driver's seat. 

While Jerry slept and Tai sipped on chai, Ruth and I watched the sun melt into the mountain mist.  We basked in pure beauty.  We sang along with the music of the mountains.  It was then that Ruth and I really came to understand one another.  Though neither of us were born in those hills, we both understood that we belonged there.  We were daughters of the mountains. 

Of course, we were past those mountains much quicker than either of us wanted to be.  I eventually fluttered back down into Ruth's purse.  I huddled down beneath Jerry's blanket-like wing and went to sleep for the rest of the trip.  But before I drifted off, I told Ruth that one day, I'd really like to live nearer to those mountains.  And she agreed.

The time in KY was restful.  Ruth had a lot to do, spending time with her family, so I basically spent my time chatting with Jerry and Tai.  Tai, being an Asian-style Dragon, told me that some of the mountains in Asia are very similar to the mountains in NC.  I might fly over there some day to see for myself. 

The one major cause for excitement in KY came when Ruth's nephew discovered that we were there.  He's four, so he gets excited about as easily as Jerry does.  I heard his little voice exclaim, "DRAGONS!" and I knew we were in for it.  Suddenly, I found myself being manhandled by children--a terrifying experience.  But then I noticed that Ruth's nephew is a redhead.  I kind of like redheads, so I let him swoop me around pretending to eat and/or stomp on things until Ruth rescued me.  However, I didn't go back in my bag before giving that cute little redheaded boy a little kiss on the cheek.  Ruth told me to back off.  I growled at her.  It was all in good fun.

The trip back was just as amazing.  The sun didn't break through the clouds like before, but the mist hung around us like a veil.  And one day I know that veil will disappear, that those mountains like great sleeping Dragons are going to rise up.  Their voices will shake the ground.  Their smoke will fill the air.  Their tears will fall like rain.  And all will be made new.

In the meantime, I'm here with Ruth, who I finally understand.  We are daughters of the mountain, and we will write and sing and live and love. 

Easter DRAGON Eggs (by Tai)

I recently discovered that humans like to boil chicken eggs and dye them various colors for no apparent reason.  Okay, so the reason is supposedly because it's Easter, but I don't really get what dyeing eggs has to do with anything...

But because Dragons just wanna have fun, my brothers, my sister, and I thought our readers might enjoy seeing some Dragon eggs that are similar to the ones from which we hatched. 

This is a dramatization.





When I was a wee little Dragon, I hatched from a simple golden egg because I'm a simple golden guy.



Pneuman's egg was as handsome as he believes himself to be. 



I...don't think Bion has grown much since his hatching...hmm...

Dravaena claims to have hatched from a dainty, sparkly, petite egg, and if you don't agree with her, she'll threaten to rip out your throat and make you eat it for breakfast.  Um...I'm not entirely sure her threat is even...possible.

Jerry claims to have hatched from a wind-up toy egg.  Not so much...

No, Jerry, we don't believe you hatched from a Cadbury Creme egg, either. 

I give up, Jerry.  I just give up.

HAPPY BELATED EASTER FROM THE DRAGONS!







My Lazy Human (by Pneuman)

I am disgusted.

My human has finally gotten her act together to start writing again, but she's still not committing herself to the craft.  I can somewhat understand that she has to work to make a living.  Not all of us can live in caves and roast peasants.  I keep reminding her that she'll have more income if she actually SELLS HER WRITING, but that doesn't seem to make a difference in her work habits.  Still, I can understand why she feels compelled to work three jobs if that's what it takes to keep her from starving.  I guess...

But now my human has become obsessed with an activity known as "running."  Dragons aren't really big on running.  Our legs are better suited for leaping into the air or ripping the intestines out of a live cow.  Even if our legs were built for running, I'm sure flying would be much faster. 

My human has one of those car things that transports her to and from various activities (that aren't writing), so the running isn't even a means of getting her from one place to another.  In fact, she runs up and down the same stretch of sidewalk four or five times.  It's the most boring thing I've ever heard of.  She does it because she says it's good exercise, and I GUESS I'll give her that.  I have just seen her get a far more efficient calorie-burning workout from Jerkface, her pet elliptical machine.

Jerkface hasn't gotten much use lately because she's been running.  Up and down the sidewalk.  Over and over.

Sigh.

Well, today my human went to work for a few hours.  Then she came home and ran a little over five miles.  The running took more than an hour of our writing time.  Then she came home and took her own sweet time showering before FINALLY sitting down to write.  She wrote a few paragraphs and had the nerve to get up before I told her she could finish. 

"Where do you think you're going?" I asked her.

"I'm going to go make dinner.  I'm hungry," she replied.

"Not until you write some more."

"I'll write more later," she said.

"PSSH!" I said.  "I've heard THAT one before.  Look, I'm a Dragon-Muse.  I Muse.  That's what I do.  I can't Muse if I don't have a writer to Muse for."

"Chillax, Pneuman," she said.

 "Is 'chillax' even a word?"

"It's a wombo," she said.  "A word combination.  They're the latest trend in the English language."

"KILL THEM!  KILL THEM WITH FIRE!"

"Don't be so dramatic.  People have been defiling the English language for centuries."

"You're telling me.  I've actually witnessed it.  That doesn't mean I'm going to accept such atrocities from you!"

"What I write in my novels is your business," she sighed.  "What I say in real life is mine."

"Look, Fair Ruth, you know I think you are an amazing writer, and you know I would maim anyone who says differently, but I am getting sick of you neglecting us.  I didn't want to mention this, but there's this lame garage band down the street that could use some Musing."

"Yeah, right," she said.  "You'll never leave.  Where else are you going to find a human who will type up your blog posts, even when they're calling her lazy?"

She had a point.  "Look, just sit down and write another page...it won't take long."

"I just ran five miles," she had the nerve to tell me.  "That's kind of my 'get out of writing free card.'"

"You can rest and write at the SAME TIME!" I shouted.

She shook her head and left the room.  Well, an hour later, I flew in to see what she was doing.  My human was sitting on the couch, eating a bowl of peanut butter and honey (she's recently become quite addicted to this revolting dish), and watching Jeopardy!  She's not even smart enough to WATCH that show.  Plus, she could have spent that time working on her book, or editing another book, or trying to sell another book.

Do you see what I have to work with?

...I really won't leave her, though.  That garage band sounds like a torture chamber.  ...and I prefer to be the one doing the torturing.

Jerry's Hatchday!!!!! (by Jerry!!!!!)

Okay, okay, so my hatchday (like a birthday, only for Dragons) was on Friday. You know. April Fool's Day. No joke. I mean, when else would a silly Dragon like myself have a hatchday? Being a Dragon, I've never really celebrated my hatchday. Dragon parents aren't big on birthday/hatchday parties like human parents seem to be. I've noticed that human parents like to give their kids gifts, invite people over, eat lots of sugar, play ridiculous games, and wear silly hats. Dragons don't do that. I think part of the reason greatly has to do with the fact that Dragons are generally kicked out of the cave before their first hatchday and left to fend for themselves.

So I spent my first hatchday, and all subsequent hatchdays, all by myself. In the cold. In the rain. With no hugs. Then I found "Mom" and my brothers and sisters, and all that changed. I think I can safely say that this is the best hatchday I've ever had in over 3000 years. I'm not sure exactly how old I am. I lost count somewhere around 3200. Let's just say I'm nine.

Okay, okay, so "Mom" had to work on my hatchday (figures), but only a half day. Still, we didn't do much. All I really wanted for my hatchday was hugs. And I got them. I got awesome hugs from "Mom" and from my brothers (even Bion!) and my sister. It was like the huggiest day ever.

Then "Mom" had a surprise for me on Saturday. She took me to work with her to see the short people. There weren't many of them, but I did get to hang out with this one little short person. "Mom" won't let me say her name on here, so we'll just call her Sunny.

Sunny was five. Sunny picked me up and put me in a shopping cart. Sunny ran around the room pushing me. It was fantastic. Sunny asked "Mom" what Dragons liked to eat. Of course, if Sunny could hear me (only "Mom" hears us because we're her Muses. You're just jealous because the Dragons aren't talking to YOU), she would have heard me say, "Dragons eat children! Dragons eat children! NOMNOMNOM!"

But "Mom" just smiled and said, "Dragons eat wishes and dreams and laughter."

What crap.

Well, Sunny just looked at "Mom" for a second and then said, "How 'bout I just give him a hot dog." And she fed me a plastic hot dog, which was actually quite good, if perhaps a little on the chewy side.

"Mom's" friend and co-worker, the WONDERFUL MISS SARA, also brought "Mom" a book as a belated Christmas/Birthday present. Only since it was my hatchday, I kind of consider the book partially mine. And it's the best book ever. It's called Magic Castle.

At the magic castle, a princess (who looks uncannily like "Mom") plays hide and seek with a Dragon (who looks uncannily like Pneuman). Then she teaches the Dragon to fly (which seems weird to me, but I'll let it pass). Then they all go drink tea in the garden.

It's a great book about a great magic castle. The EXCITEMENT NEVER ENDS. The book says so.

Also, the book has a cat.

Well, after work, Mom brought me home and we watched "How to Train Your Dragon," which is pretty much the coolest movie ever. It's about Dragons. Win. It's about Vikings. Win. The grown-up Vikings, for some strange reason, all speak with a Scottish accent. Win.

Now, the adolescent Vikings don't talk with Scottish accents. I wonder why this is. When human males hit puberty, I've heard their voices change. Maybe with Vikings, they get a whole new accent. And it's apparently Scottish.

Yeah, but I was so tired from my hatchday festivities that "Mom" had to wake me up during the movie. I'd fallen asleep on her roommate's knitting.

Don't tell her I drooled on it.

Air Trip Reenactment (by Pneuman)

Please accept my humblest apologies for the extended blogging absence. You see, I and the other Dragons have been out of town. The trip was very last minute; we didn't have time to inform anyone of our departure. In fact, we didn't even tell our human. Jerry found it hilarious that she actually thought we were hibernating. Dragons don't hibernate...unless they feel like it, of course.

It's actually our human's fault that we went away. She wasn't doing much writing, and we were all getting rather bored. So one night Tai suggested we just go on a road trip. And then Jerry said that we would have to go steal a car, and he hoped it was one with a sun roof so he could stand up and hang out of it. Then Dravaena reminded us that we're Dragons and can fly. Then Bion suggested we call it an "Air Trip" instead of a road trip. And I said that it was a good idea no matter what we called it.

Then Tai said that we would probably not be able to get our human's permission, and Dravaena reminded us that we didn't really need her permission. But to make it easier, we decided not to tell her. She wasn't writing much; she probably wouldn't miss us anyway.

But just in case, we made little plastic/resin/polyester replicas of ourselves and left them in the cave with recordings of our voices. Dravaena's recording said, "Shush, now. You write lousy poetry." Mine said, "Just sit down and write something already." Bion's said, "You use too many semicolons." Tai's said, "Just have zombies eat everyone. That usually works." Jerry's said, "Yes, but only on Thursday."

No one is really sure what that means.

So we went on our Air Trip to many exciting locations around the world. It was amazing. We did want to be back in time for our human's birthday, but when we arrived home, she wasn't here. Turns out she was WORKING all day long on her birthday. And the day after that. We flew all the way back here to celebrate with her, and she wasn't even home. That made us Dragons pretty angry (our human works WAY too much).

And then our human got angry when she learned that we'd went on an Air Trip without telling her and without taking her with us. Hmph. It's not like she would take off work to come with us anyway...

So things have been tense here for a few weeks. Our human revoked all of our blogging/internet privileges. I have to say that I admire my human for that. It takes guts to ground a Dragon.

Anyway, she finally forgave us all tonight. She even got out her camera and offered to take some reenactment pictures of our many adventures. See, Dragons don't really care about taking pictures, and none of us have cameras. So the reenactment photos are really the best we can do.

Enjoy the photos of our Air Trip, but remember...these are only dramatizations.

First off, we went to a petting zoo. We didn't allow Jerry to come (for obvious reasons).

Bion and I questioned the chameleon. We wanted to know if his ancestors were Dragons.

I think a color-changing Dragon would be groovy.

"Nice fez, oddly shaped purple monkey," says Tai.

Dravaena kept asking the sheep if they were tender and juicy. Incidentally, we were all kicked out of the petting zoo shortly after some of the sheep went missing.

Dravaena neither confirms nor denies involvement.

Jerry was disappointed in missing out on the petting zoo, but we appeased him by

allowing him to hug the rubber chicken. I think it's his new BFF.

Next, we headed to Scotland (which really ticked my human off--she wants to go there, to the land of her ancestors--the ancestors that killed a lot of people and stole land). We all really wanted to meet Nessie. AND WE DID! He was thrilled to meet some other mythological creatures!

Nessie wouldn't have posed for a pic with us like this (this is only a dramatization). He's a nice guy, but he's really shy. And he HATES having his picture made. I don't blame him. The camera adds ten pounds, and he's already a pretty big fella. So if you're ever at Loch Ness and you catch a glimpse of Nessie, don't take the dude's picture, okay? It hurts his feelings and brings back sad memories of when his mom made him go to fat camp.

Bion is fairly sure that Nessie is a type of Dragon. He might have a point.

He and Nessie have a very similar body shape...without any arms or legs...

We stayed in that part of the country and toured England. Had we cared enough to bring a camera, we would have gotten all the traditional English pictures--red phone booths, Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Hogwarts. As it is, this is the only reenactment my human thought post-worthy. She was very sad that she didn't get to cross Abbey Road with Tai.

Tai actually crossed the actual Abbey Road with the actual Beatles

...even the ones that were already dead.

Then it was back to the good ol' USA, where all of us Dragons decided to do some outdoor recreation. You know...getting back to nature.

Jerry had WAY too much fun on the zipline.

Well, since we had been so many other places, we finally decided it would be fun to end our Air Trip at Disney World. Bion thought it might be hard for us to get in, but I threatened to eat the lady in the ticket booth. I used the same tactic to get us to the front of all the ride lines. It was pretty sweet. I'm not big on rides, but I couldn't resist the opportunity to ride SPACE MOUNTAIN!

That may or may not be a butter dish I'm riding in.

It's a small world after all. That's song's in your head now. You're welcome. And remember, this is only a dramatization. I know how real the pics seem.

Tai and Bion loved Splash Mountain.

Jerry even got to meet Belle, his favorite Disney Princess, and her special friend, The Beast.

Um...then Jerry got a little too friendly...and things got a little out of control.

Man, that Beast totally went all "tale as old as time" on Jerry's butt.

Jerry will think twice before eating a Disney Princess again.

One really amazing thing about this Air Trip was that Jerry and Dravaena finally became friends. He's not scared of her anymore (at least, not much--we're all still a little afraid of her). They're great friends, Jerry and Dravaena. She appreciates his sense of humor. He appreciates her lyrical wit...and the fact that she can burp her ABC's backwards. But don't get any ideas. Dravaena has become like a sister to all of us. Besides, she's got a HUGE crush on Figment, this Dragon who lives at Epcot. After she started stalking him, we decided it was time to come home.

But not before she and Jerry, now friends, rode the Teacups together...

Aww.

It was a great trip, but it's good to be back. Vacations are awesome, but we have Musing to do!

To the Dragon Cave!

Dragon Hibernation? (by the Human)

Okay, so this is the human writing. I'm writing because the Dragons have been extremely quiet lately. I've tried to carry on a conversation or two with Dravaena, just to see how she's adjusting. She just shushed me and told me I was a horrible poet.

I can't even get Jerry to talk to me. At first, I thought it was because he was still angry about me getting a new Dragon. He's still afraid of Dravaena. But even if he were angry, he'd probably be able to muster up a good hilarious insult.

Bion and Tai are quiet. Pneuman is quiet. He hasn't even updated his facebook status or twitter in weeks. I've come to realize that Dragons must hibernate or something.

As a writer who has written three books about Dragons, I like to consider myself a Dragon expert. I mean, if you write a book about something, that automatically makes you a top authority on the subject, right? So I figure that I know as much about Dragons as anyone. The thing is, Dragons are still pretty mysterious creatures. Even though they live in the same "cave" with me, there's still so much I don't know about them.

For the past couple of months, my writing has hit a little bit of a dry spell. I'm still writing...a little, but things just aren't coming as quickly as they should be. I've come to the conclusion that my Dragon-Muses have gradually entered a state of Dragon Hibernation. It started back in December and has gradually gotten worse over the past few months. Before they were doing very little, but now they're doing almost nothing at all. They're still Musing, of course. I'm still writing. It's just at a much slower rate, because they're in some kind of suspended animation.

I'm hoping that the arrival of spring starts to wake them up. I'm really in need of their inspiration. Dravaena was right--I'm a horrible poet.

Valentine's Day Makes Peasants Taste Sweeter (by Pneuman)

It's Valentine's Day soon. A silly human ritual. I do think it's interesting that Dravaena's arrival came near this human holiday about love and relationships.

Since Dravaena's arrival, many of my human's friends have asked her some very awkward questions. Some of them are just your basic, "So are all the boy Dragons gonna fight over the girl Dragon, or what?" The answer is, of course, no. I can personally tell you that I am not at all romantically interested in Dravaena. She is striking, and her neck has an elegant sort of arch. Yes, Dravaena is beatiful (her pictures don't really do her justice...you have to really look at HER), but she is NOT as beautiful as I am. I refuse to be paired with any Dragoness who is not at least as beautiful as I am. I realize this stipulation will probably cause me to remain an old bachelor Dragon, but I suppose that is the price for being beautiful.

Jerry is still afraid of Dravaena. Bion seems to think of her as a good friend. Tai treats her like a lady, but he is very clear about his intentions. He thinks of her as a sister. We all (except the terried Jerry) think of her as a sister.

And even if we were interested, Dravaena is NOT. The first words out of her mouth after we greeted her were, "Don't any of you get any ideas, because I am NOT that type of Dragoness, and none of you are good enough for me. If you even look at me the wrong way, I'll make you regret it for the rest of your lives." Of course, I was able to read through what she was saying. She was NOT including me when she asid that we weren't good enough for her. How could she think that? No, no. She was saying that the others weren't good enough for her, but it would have made them feel badly if she hadn't included me.

So none of us are interested in Dravaena. However, my human got one follow up question she wasn't expecting. It was an awkward question. It was a personal question. It wasn't a personal question to her, but it was to us Dragons. In fact, it's such a personal question that my human didn't know how to answer it. She doesn't know the answer. It's because Dragons don't discuss it with puny humans.

The question: "Do Dragon-Muses...you know...?"

If you don't know what "you know" refers to, then you can stop reading right now. Otherwise, you might long for the sweet release of about a gallon of mind-bleach.

"Do Dragon-Muses...mate?" There. I said it. This is a squeamish topic for me because Dragons are more secretive about their mating rituals than Vulcans are about pon farr. You can imagine my frustration when my human started asking me...questions.

But you know, enough is enough. I think it's time my human--all the humans--the WHOLE WORLD learned about Dragon mating rituals. The following is not for the feint of heart.

When a boy Dragon decides he loves a girl Dragon very much, they take flight to the homelands from which they were spawned. Then the boy Dragon flies up high to the top of Mount Nightingale, where he picks the first blue ice flower that blooms in winter. He must fly this flower back to his girl Dragon before it can melt.

Then she must accept the flower and tramp it with her feet. Then the boy Dragon must join in what is known as the "My Goodness but that Ice Flower was COLD" dance. They must dance for 48 hours straight without a rest.

Then the girl Dragon must sing the "Song of the Ancient Winged Beasts" until she has lulled the boy Dragon into a trance. When the boy Dragon is in the trance, he must recite to her all 386 stanzas of the legend of "Gimrak the Mighty" to her. When she has also been lured into a trance, the boy Dragon and girl Dragon must walk--yes walk, on foot--to the Pool of Bonding. Then the girl Dragon will push the boy Dragon into the pool and he will splash four times. Then the girl Dragon must cross the Bridge of Love that spans over the Pool of Bonding.

And if you believe any of this, then I'll gladly sell you the Bridge of Love right now.

Pssh. Did you really think I was going to tell you the Dragon-Muses most treasured secrets? Not likely, human.

No go and eat some chocolate. It makes you taste better.

Coke As a Defensive Weapon (by Tai)

We were going to let Dravaena write her first blog, but she doesn't really understand the concept. She's still getting adjusted to life as a Dragon-Muse for our crazy human. I think it's a little overwhelming sometimes. We're used to it, but Dravaena isn't comfortable yet with mundane things like blogging. Maybe someday.

Dravaena did, however, want me to share a poem with you. It's a haiku she wrote herself:

Football makes no sense.
Neither do the commercials.
Dragons don't like Coke.

Of course, Dravaena is referring to one of the few Super Bowl commercials that my human actually saw. She came home and immediately looked it up on youtube so she could share it with us. In case you didn't see the Dragon Coca-Cola ad, here it is for your viewing pleasure (and confusion):




Now, I must admit, I kind of liked the ad. It was nicely done, even if it wasn't very realistic (and remember this is coming from a Dragon). Dravaena didn't like it because the mean Dragon was red (like her) and because, as she mentioned in her haiku, Dragons don't like Coke. I think the only reason she thinks this is because none of us have really ever had Coke.

And the human kind of got this weird idea that she could give all us Dragons some Coke to see what happened. I am not sure why. I think she wanted to see if fireworks would come out of OUR mouths if we drank Coke. I think she wanted to see if Coke was a good defensive weapon against a Dragon.

Well, the human didn't feel like going to the grocery, and she didn't have any Coke. All she had was diet Cheerwine (if you've never had this, my human strongly recommends you move to the Carolinas so you can always be sure to find it). Diet Cheerwine is pretty good. It tastes just a little bitty bit like cranberries, but without the...uh, side effects. Anyway, there were no fireworks--unless you count Jerry's epic fire-burps.

Pneuman suggested she should try again with REAL Coke, and Jerry said that maybe they should just drop a few Mentos in the Coke. ...but I think our human is done with her Dragon and soda experiments. If you ever experienced Jerry's epic fire-burps first hand, then you'd understand why. It seems that soda actually makes most Dragons MORE dangerous.

So now you know the truth: If your village is ever attacked by an enemy clan with a fire-breathing Dragon...Coke is probably not your best defense.

The Dragon Lady (by Jerry)

The worst thing has happened. The worst thing that could possibly ever have happened has, in fact, happened. Whilst my "brothers" are off celebrating, I have snuck away for a few moments to write what may possibly be the last blog I will ever write.

I once thought that getting a girl-type Dragoness would be like the best thing ever, okay? So, I was wrong. When "Mom" got home today, she found this box in her room, and inside it was...a Dragon. A Dragoness. An evil red Dragoness. ...and Mom was actually happy about it.

Meet Dravaena. She's lovely, yes, but sinister. Just look at those cruel claws. *Shudder*

Well, of course Mom went to work trying to figure out this new Dragon's name. I suggested a few names for her. Jezebel. Delilah. Cruella. Spawn of Satan. Scarlet (because it rhymes with harlot--Mom told me she was going to wash my mouth out). Evil Incarnate. Mom hated all my name choices, and the evil red Dragoness hissed at me every time I suggested anything. Even after she started hissing and growling and snapping, Mom thought I was just being silly. She said, "It looks like this Dragon has been through a lot. She's feisty, but I'm sure we can all learn to get along with her."

Humans aren't that bright sometimes. And neither are my brothers. They all like her, all right. Bion is practically in love with her--but not like in a gross, mushy way. He just likes her because she scares the willies out of me. Jerk.


Anyway, so after MUCH deliberation, Mom discovered that this malicious creature is named Dravaena (Drah-VAY-nah) Taryn Thrush. According to Dravaena, her name is a combination of mostly Gaelic/Celtic names, and it has the following meanings: hunter, dark one, poet, bard, song. Taryn, her middle name, means "rocky hill" and can also mean "pure" and "torture." I think "pure torture" fits her rather well. Thrush, her last name, is a kind of bird--a song bird. I'm not sure how THAT name fits her, but whatever. I mean, she IS supposedly the Dragon-Muse that inspires Mom's poetry and song lyrics, but I think she's more of a vulture than a thrush.


And what's so necessary about a Poetry and Lyrical Dragon-Muse? My human writes horrible poetry. Apparently she just wants someone to blame it on. Why does it have to be this malicious Dravaena beastie? She could have been claimed by some cute pink Dragon-Muse that likes Italian food (and by that, I mean actual Italians), long rampages down the beach, and Dragon Nip Coladas. But no, no. Dravaena found and claimed her first. So now...we're doomed.

Anyway, Bion and Tai think she's great. Pneuman was skeptical until he heard her name. He knows a Dragon's name is very important. Apparently, he thought her name was acceptable. He approached her and officially welcomed her into the family with open wings. What is WITH my family? Can't they see that this Dravaena is going to kill us all in our sleep? I've read the Bible (at least the fun parts) and I've read Revelation. It had this Dragon that represented Satan--do you know what color it was? I'll tell you what color it was. Red. That's what color it was.

We're doomed, I tell you. Doomed.

Tai: Ooh! Who does your nails?

Bion: Scare Jerry some more! Scare Jerry some more!

Pneuman: I see you broke your horn. Our human broke my horn TWICE and had to perform emergency horn replacement surgery. So, how did you break your horn?

Dravaena: I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

Wow. I thought I was the crazy one!

Fairies, Lightly Frosted (by Jerry)

"Mom" has started a diet. I don't know why. It sounds like a horrible idea to me. She is limiting something called her "caloric intake" to 1200 a day, and she's eating this wretched stuff that comes from a box. She calls it cereal. She pours milk on it, therefore getting her cereal wet AND getting crumbs in her milk. It looks awful to me. I'd rather have a dead cow.

Mom also likes to run in place on something called an elliptical. Actually, she calls it "Jerkface" because she hates it. I just don't understand why she keeps using it, because for one thing, she really doesn't enjoy it AT ALL, and there are other, more effective ways to beat yourself senseless. For another thing, I can think of many better uses for her time--like, I don't know...WRITING. She just scoffs and says that it won't be any good being a published author if she's going to be a FAT published author.

Humans are weird.

Anyway, today while Mom was pouring this nasty cereal stuff into her bowl, she was getting rather frustrated. I didn't understand why, at first. In fact, I was getting pretty excited because Mom kept shouting:

"Fairies! Fairies! This cereal is supposed to have fairies! Where are the fairies! AHA! There's one!"

Oh. My. Gosh. She didn't tell me that cereal had fairies! My mind suddenly filled with questions. How did the cereal people catch the fairies? How did the cereal people get the fairies to fit inside the box (fairies are not as small as most people think)? Why did the cereal people put fairies in their cereal? Were the fairies dead and frosted with a light covering of sugar, or were they put inside the box ALIVE? If the fairies were alive, could they grant Mom some wishes (like, "Dear fairy, I wish to be a published author--a thin published author, mind you.")? If the fairies were dead, would they taste anything at all like dead cow?

Now, I must have inadvertantly inspired one of my Mom's friends. Mom's friend was getting rather concerned. "What do you mean there's a FAIRY in your cereal?"

Mom laughed at both of us and said, "NO. I didn't say FAIRIES. I said BERRIES. There are supposed to be BERRIES in my cereal, but I only found one berry."

Talk about a downer. This is like the time I found out that all the magical yellow moons and purple horse shoes in "Lucky Charms" are just stupid dehydrated marshmallows.

Silly Dragon, Trix are for kids.

Ice Dragons, the Naughty Corner, and Cabin Fever (by Tai)

Most Dragons hate ice. Usually, the only exceptions are Ice Dragons, and they're weird anyway. I mean, I like almost everyone, but Ice Dragons have issues. They prefer the cold. They breathe ice instead of fire. They don't get along anyone. They even get into arguments amongst themselves. When the arguments become physical altercations, then there's always trouble.

Sometimes Jerry goes too far and calls Bion an Ice Dragon, and then he has to go sit in the Naughty Corner. My human invented the Naughty Corner right after she got back from her Christmas travels. Bion went with her, and so Jerry didn't have him to pick on for a whole week. His shenanigans increased upon Bion's return. So the human put him in the Naughty Corner. Jerry sat there and made up songs about pudding. I don't think he got the point, but at least it kept him from tormenting poor Bion.

Anyway, the weather where my human lives is particularly cold and icy at the moment. My human has said that it's not usually this snowy or icy during the winter here. I've explained to her that it's because the Ice Dragons are fighting each other. Now most Ice Dragons keep permanent residence in the parts of the world where it's always cold. The problem is, there are too many Ice Dragons for this to be practical. They fight for territory and someone always loses. Therefore, many of the Ice Dragons who have lost their homes have become nomadic, journeying from place to place--wherever it is cold enough for them to comfortably live. Most of the time, they travel to a wintry place and keep to themselves until spring. But if an Ice Dragon meets another Ice Dragon in that wintry place, there is likely to be an argument. This winter, there are a lot of Ice Dragons trying to off each other with their icy blasts. Of course, Ice Dragons are impervious to other Ice Dragon's icy blasts, so all they really accomplish is making everything else icy and snowy. So if you're stuck inside due to the ice storms, blame the Ice Dragons.

My human actually had to venture out into the cold to go to work. If it weren't so cold, I think I would have begged her to take me with her. But it's cold, and I don't really want to risk meeting an Ice Dragon out there. So I was stuck here, making sure Jerry didn't bother Bion too much.

Pneuman seems lost in his own thoughts these days. He's sulking a little, but I really don't blame him. My human has not been responding to his inspiration these days. She's kind of had a "brain cloud" the past few weeks. She hasn't written much, and even getting her to write what little she has written has just been ridiculous. Work has kept her busy, but it's more than just that. She's just got a "brain cloud."

And so since all of us Dragons are stuck inside without any writing to inspire, we're actually pretty bored. I don't blame Jerry for getting sent to the Naughty Corner so much. He's bored! So what do Dragons do when they have cabin fever? Well, they watch "Joe Vs. the Volcano" and learn about "brain clouds." They play hide and seek, which almost always ends with Jerry hiding under our human's pillow and screaming "OH, TOOTH FAIRY! I'M A LITTLE LOST TOOTH! COME TRADE ME OUT FOR A QUARTER!" They play Clue. I like to be Professor Plum. Pneuman (when he will play with us) likes to be Mr. Green. Jerry is always Colonel Mustard, because he likes to pronounce Colonel "Col-on-el." Bion always gets stuck being Miss Scarlet.

In other words, spring can't come soon enough. Blasted Ice Dragons, go sit in the Naughty Corner.

Traveling (by Bion)

My human decided that we were not spending enough time together, and so I accompanied her on her annual Christmas pilgrimage to her place of origin. She journeyed home to the far off lands of Kentucky (where she was born) and Indiana (where her sister's family now resides). The other Dragons remained here to keep my human's roommate company. Jerry wanted to come, but, luckily, my human appeased him with the offering of a new hat and scarf set. I'm glad Jerry likes his new scarf and hat, and I'm even more pleased that he didn't come with us. I don't hate Jerry, but the idea of spending ten hours in a car with him is about as appealing as editing a third grader's book report.

Jerry, looking Christmasy as he posed under the mistletoe in

his new hat and scarf. Do the ladies like hats and scarves?

The journey started off just fine. She told me that I was on vacation and wasn't allowed to edit anything, including her driving skills. I agreed, although honestly, I haven't done any real editing in months. She also told me I was going to have to ride in her purse, which didn't fill my dragonish heart with feelings of peace and comfort, I can tell you. As Jerry has expressed in a previous blog, a woman's purse is one of the most terrifying things in the known universe. I'm pretty sure that in the deepest darkest corner of every woman's purse is a portal to another dimension. Once inside a purse, there may be no return. However, my human assured me that I would be riding on the OUTSIDE pocket of her purse. I thought that to be a reasonable place to ride, and so I relaxed and enjoyed the sounds of her traveling music. My human enjoys a wide variety of traveling music. Her current favorite is Mitch McVicker, but we also enjoyed some Christmas music and some Beatles. By the way, most Dragons agree that the Beatles are the best human musical group of all time.

I also discovered on this journey that trail mix is awesome. My human let me have some. She neglected to tell me that the trail mix had cranberries in it until I'd already had several mouthfuls.

This stuff tastes AWESOME and makes me see magical ponies.

Cranberries, as you may have read in a previous post, are also known as "Dragon Nip." I'm afraid I behaved in a very undignified manner and may or may not have participated in some wild karaoke (PAAAAAAPERBACK WRIIIIIITER!!!!) somewhere along the Blue Ridge Mountains of NC. After the nip wore off, I fell asleep alongside my human's dollar store sunglasses.

Ack! My mouth was hanging open while I was asleep. How embarrasing!

Before the whole "Dragon Nip" incident, my human and I experienced the most beautiful rainbow either of us has ever seen. The colors were vibrant, yet muted, as though shrouded by some secret mist. The rainbow made a perfect arc out of the clouds, across the sky, and settled in between two hills. The sun was glinting off those hills like pure gold, and I admit that I would not have refused if my human had decided to abandon our journey to her homelands in order to seek the gold beyond that rainbow.

My human did NOT pull off the road to take a picture of the rainbow, and she says that will probably be one of the greatest regrets of her life. I assured her that beauty so pure should not be photographed, and should remain etched only in our memories. I'm glad I was able to share that rainbow with her, though. I believe both of us will be searching for that rainbow for the rest of our lives, and beyond. I'm also quite certain that the rainbow will become a theme for at least one of my writer's stories.

Nothing of great note happened in KY. My human was tired, as was I, so we slept. Then we departed the next day for IN. Once we reached the dwelling of my human's sister's family, I didn't see my human for about 3 days because she was spending all of her time with her nieces and nephew. I admit, they're pretty cute. I did get to spend some time with all of them. I also met my human's sister's cat. I have to say, cats are not my favorite.

Kitty kisses are worse than Jerry hugs. Blech.

My human had given her sister's offspring a castle set that came with a Dragon and a knight. I spent a few minutes conversing with the Dragon, and I discovered that his name was Paulie. After that, one of my human's nieces grabbed me and started banging Paulie over the head with me. My human rescued both of us and put me back in her purse.

Serves him right for being named "Paulie."

Unfortunately, when we returned to NC, she forgot I was in her purse for a few days before putting me back with my brothers. I have to admit, I was actually happy to see Jerry. I gave him a New Year's hug. He's not getting another until 2012.